Reality Check (again)

Reality. Sometimes I love the word, the place. Sometimes I would much rather exist in a fantasy world of my own creation where everything goes right and dreams always come true. A place where effort is always rewarded and no good deed ever gets punished. Of course that's not the reality many of us are used to.

My reality. It seems that the harder I try to do the right thing, the more effort I put in to increase my contact with God, the more I believe that I am on the right path the worse my situation becomes and the harder it becomes to achieve any of my dreams. I sometimes wonder if this is a test, an obstacle I must overcome to get to where i want to be. Does God do such things like testing our resolve, our determination, our faith.... Because mine has once again been sorely tested and I am ready to run, to chuck it all in, to say "uncle", to give up.

I don't want to quit, to give up, to lose faith but I am only human, only an imperfect man and I can only take so much bad news until it starts to affect my spirit, my faith, my beliefs and my soul. I tried to love and was denied. I tried to plan and was foiled. I tried to dream and was reminded that dreams are only that, dreams. I tried to believe but was informed that believing is not an option for everyone. Finally, I tried to run but was even denied the cowards way out.

Now, once again I am left alone with my sorrow and pain. I feel like a failure for even presuming to believe that something good could come my way. Time to rebuild that wall. Time to stop feeling and start doing. Time to make it all about me. Time to be who and what I really am. Time to prove all of my detractors right... more right than even they know. Time to stop playing and start taking. Time to step in to the dark. Time to dry the eyes, wipe the nose and put on my game face.... the one I know so very well.

To be continued......