Been a while since I last blogged. About three months. The last time I blogged I had just arrived in NYC, was contimplating the rest of my life and did not like what I saw. I had left Pecos, left New Mexico and left the only woman I had ever loved. You see, l lied to her, lied to Jennifer and it cost me everything. We broke up, broke up and spent 2 months breaking up. It was painful, it was hard and it was destined to become ugly. We couldn't stop seeing each other and we couldn't let go. Kind of like limbo. That's why I left. I wanted Jennifer to have the space to get on with her life and knew that being so close to her I would never be able to give her that space..... and I knew that in order to get over her I had to give myself space, 2000 miles of it. I cried the whole way home. Cried and shook my fist at God. "why did you introduce me to her and then allow me to ruin it?". Of course God didn't answer, nor did he wreck our relationship. I did that all by myself.
So, once in New York I tried to busy myself, tried to get her off of my mind. Tried to meet new people, make new friends. I tried to act as if, to get on with my life and pretend that all was well. I started trying to erase her from my life. I started deleting things from my computer that reminded me of her. Took all pictures of her, burned them to disk then erased them from my computer. Put all photos of her in a box in the closet. Removed all traces of her from my living area. The last thing was this blog. I deleted the blog. Erased it. Or so I thought. I then sat back satisfied. I had finally rid myself of every reminder I posessed. But I was wrong. Thankfully.
When a relationship ends the TV version is that pictures get tossed, phone numbers get erased, e-mails get deleted and and everyone happily goes on to the next relationship. But in real life it is not so antiseptic, at least not for me. There was one thing I could not erase, could not delete, could not ignore....... and that was my heart. Deep inside my heart there was still a pining, a desire, a want and a need. I had made a decision to get over, to forget but I forgot one thing. The heart wants what the heart wants and my heart wanted Her. I missed her. I missed Jennifer. My Life was like eating ice cream without any flavor. Unsatisfying. I had met the woman of my dreams and could not conveniently put her memory away like an old photo album. But what to do?
I sent her one e-mail. One telling her that I was okay..... sorta. That I was "trying" to get on with my life. Boy was I surprised when she wrote back..... and then a few days later she opened her chat on google and chatted with me. What we found out is that after 2 months we both felt the same way. We missed each other. So we talked, chatted, shared and reconnected. Jennifer agreed to come to NYC to visit for a few days. I was so nervous before she came that I had to drink 2 shots of Vodka to calm my nerves.... and then she was there walking down the Jetway. She looked the same, only better. We hugged, we kissed, we loved, we talked, we saw, we did..... and at the end of three days we were just that much closer, talking about long distance dating until I get off of parole. And then she was gone.
I went on about my life thinking of creative ways to end my parole, planning a trip to Pecos to see Jennifer before she moved to Taos, wondering if she really enjoyed herself in NYC and wondering if she was missing me the way I was missing her. I didn't have to worry long. We talked after her weekend in Taos. It was a Monday, Memorial Day (the date will always be remembered), I was working. Jennifer called me and asked if I was thinking about her. I said yes, I was. She had been on my mind all day. She giggled and said that she had been thinking about me all day..... in Taos and on ther drive home. She told me that she was thinking about how nice it would be if I was there with her. She asked me how quickly I could get transferred to New Mexico. I said probably by early fall. She asked if I wanted to move to Taos and live with her. I think she knew what my answer would be.
There are those who do not believe in miracles, who do not believe in fate, who do not believe that there is a perfect match for them and who do not believe in love. True Love. I should know. I was one of them..... but no longer am. A miracle happened to me last year. I met this amazing woman. But God and Goddess do not make things that easy for us. We, as in Jennifer and I, we had to work at it, to prove to ourselves, each other and those close to us that what we have is the most precious gift there is next to giving birth..... and hopefully we will have that gift too. She is my perfect match. We are like bookends, Jennifer and me. Neither of us is a perfect person..... but we are perfect for each other. Fate brought us together..... and love has melded us into what we are now. We are now a we. Me, Jennifer, Bella, Us. Babbies too. I have been blessed beyond all hope and reason. God and Goddess has seen fit to let this amazing woman love me and I will never again squander that love.
Jennifer, I love you, want to spend the rest of my life loving you, want to give you all the Babbies you want, want to make you as happy as you make me. Thank you for trusting and believing.
Te Adoro
Marcos
