Empty.....

It's been a while since..... I wrote, shared, spoke, felt, lived, cried, laughed, smiled, was happy, was sad, cared, worked, played, walked, ran, hoped, prayed, planned.....

I left New Mexico almost a month ago and have not felt "normal" since. I have felt lost, alone, scared, angry..... empty. I came to New York hoping to put my past behind me, hoping to heal. I ran to New York City looking outward for something that can only come from within. I crawled to New York City a failure leaving behind the life I always wanted but could not handle.

So here I sit.... all alone.... in a room that feels just like the jail cell I sat in for so many years. I used to hope, to pray, to plan and to dream. I had dreams, visions, aspirations.... now I have only myself.... and only myself to blame for the failure that is my life.

Can I turn it all around? Can I get back on a solid path? Can I rise above? Of course. I am strong, a true survivor. The real question is do I want to.....