I am leaving New Mexico. It is now official. My last day here will be February 23rd., a Monday. By Thursday morning I'll be in New York City. By Friday I'll be at Parole trying to appeal the decision to keep my parole going for another year at least. Maybe i'll be successful, maybe not but I do know one thing.... I already lost everything, everything that was important to me. I know, I have my freedom, I have my health, I have family and I have Elmo but it all seems empty, hollow, unimportant without her in my life. I will probably spend the rest of my life wondering what could have.... and what should have been. She was and still is the only woman I have ever loved unconditionally, the only one who takes my breath away when I see her, the only one that makes me fumble like a little schoolboy, the only one who makes my heart skip a beat, the only one who's touch ignites me and the one woman who always treated me with care, compassion and love.
On February 23rd, 2009 I will drive away from the woman I love..... and drive towards a future without her snile, her laugh, her touch. I am heartbroken.
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